I gotta warn you… these terrible jokes are a little corny.
They’re so corny you’ll feel bad about yourself for laughing! The only solution (besides more cowbell) is to tell them to someone else. It’s like The Ring, but no one dies at the end. We hope.
Can you tell Dad Jokes if you’re not a father?
Yes, but it’s a faux pa!
I ate too much Middle Eastern food at dinner.
Now I falafel.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, while the other is a little lighter.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.
The ceremony wasn’t anything special, but the reception was excellent!
One cow turns to the other and says “Did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease epidemic?”
The other cow replied, “It’s a good thing I’m a helicopter!”
When are jokes about socialism funny?
Only when everyone gets them.
My new thesaurus is terrible.
Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
My sister bet me a hundred dollars that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A hungry termite walked into a bar and looked around for a moment.
Then he asked, “Is the bar tender here?”
What does a nosy hot pepper do?
It gets jalapeno business!
Did you hear about the two thieves who robbed a calendar factory?
They each got about six months!
How Does NASA throw a party?
First, they planet.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.
Edgar Allan Poe is about to walk into a tree, and you only have enough time to shout a single word of warning. What do you say?
Why don’t kleptomaniacs have a sense of humor?
Because they always take things literally.
I got a great deal on concert tickets the other day. They were only 45 cents!
It was a 50 Cent concert featuring Nickleback.
I submitted 10 of these terrible jokes to a competition to see if anyone of them could win a prize.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
What’s the tallest building in town?
The library—it has the most stories!
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.
Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”
DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”
McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”