Hilarious Dad Jokes to Help Cure Your Monday Blues!

I don’t know about you, but if there’s one thing that can cure a case of the Mondays – it’s a good belly laugh!  Read on to discover a few of the silliest dad jokes in existence.  If you’re a dad, now is a great time to tuck a few more one-liners under your belt.


Hilarious Dad Jokes to Cure Your Monday Blues

I have a red spot on my arm but before I go to the dermatologist, I’m going to put some calamine on it. I don’t want to make any rash decisions.

I asked a supermarket clerk for a date. She told me they were next to the bananas in the fruit section.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns toward the other, and says: “Do you how to drive this thing?”

A man told me yesterday that he hasn’t had any bowel movement in two years, but I honestly think he’s full of sh*t.

Where can I buy a lot of chicken bouillon? The stock market.

A man walks into a doctor’s office in pain. The doctor asks him what’s the matter and the man says: “I’ve broken my arm in several places.” The doctor replies “I think you should start avoiding those places then.”

How do you make holy water? You boil the Hell out of it.

Son: “Dad, make me a sandwich.”

Father with an extravagant magician-like flurry of his hands: “Poof! You’re a sandwich!”

Two drums and cymbal fall down a cliff. Da dum tsk.

Passing a cemetery, a father says to his daughter: “You know why I can’t be buried there?” The daughter looks up from her phone momentarily and, concerned, she innocently asks “Why?” to which the father responds: “Because I’m not dead yet.”

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman refuses, saying: “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

A man walks into a bookstore and asks to be pointed in the direction of the Self-Help section. The bookstore assistant turns towards him and replies, “Well wouldn’t that diminish the point?”

What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, their flag is a big plus.