Absolute Dumbest Criminals in History

Crime doesn’t pay. But sometimes it’s hilarious. These are some of the dumbest criminals in history, but their stories are pure gold!

dumb-criminals

Is There Ebola in My Meth?

Let’s head down to Texas and meet Chastity Eugena Hobson, who asked the cops to check the safety of her drugs. The Granite Shoals Police Department proved that you can never underestimate stupidity when they published a fake Facebook story about meth and heroin being tainted with Ebola.

Chastity headed on down to the station to get her meth checked and was promptly charged with possession.

Status Update

Over in the UK, Andrew Hennells thought it was a brilliant idea to post about his intention to rob a nearby grocery store. Hennells snapped a quick selfie of him and his favorite knife, along with the words “Doing. Tesco. Over.”

15 minutes later, the police found him with the knife and a bag full of money. His little Facebook boast landed him four years in prison.

That Is Not How This Works

We all make dumb mistakes when we’re teenagers. But 18-year-old Ruben Zarate earned a spot among the dumbest criminals in history when he attempted to rob a Chicago muffler shop. The employees couldn’t open the safe and he—wait for it—left them his phone number so they could call him when the manager came back.

Do you think he realized his mistake before or after he was arrested?

But He Has Good References

What do you do while waiting to rob a convenience store? Fill out an application, of course! At least that’s what you do if you’re Demetrius Robinson, who needed to wait until the other customers left the store before holding it up. He killed the time by filling out an application. Too bad he put down his real name and his uncle’s phone number. The cops didn’t exactly have a hard time tracking down this criminal mastermind.

Art Imitating Life

Writers are often asked where they get their ideas. For Polish novelist Krystian Bala, the answer is “from that one time I actually committed murder.” Bala’s 2003 bestseller Amok was so similar to the details of a real-life unsolved crime that police became suspicious. It turns out that Amok wasn’t fiction after all, and Bala was sentenced to 25 years in prison.

Push, Don’t Pull, to Exit

Poor James Allan. He tried to rob a corner store in Abingdon, England, and failed miserably. First, used an obviously fake toy gun. Then he took off his ski mask before leaving the shop—and in clear view of the security cameras. He couldn’t figure out how to open the door, and the woman he just robbed had to come open it for him.

He managed to trip over a display on the way out, spilling cans everywhere. He ended up getting three years in prison and the distinction of being one of the dumbest criminals in history.