Christmas has come and gone, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t enjoy a little holiday humor!
There’s nothing comic books love more than a good crossover. And there’s nothing kids love more than Christmas presents. Put the two together, and you end up with bizarre comic book stories featuring Santa Claus.
Buckle your seat belts, folks. It’s going to be a bumpy sleigh ride.
Superman Saves Christmas
This story begins, as all great stories do, with Santa Claus eating poisoned chocolates that cause him to gain a massive amount of weight. The villain of this story gives The Grinch a run for his money as the biggest enemy of holiday cheer. And he almost wins, too!
Santa is so ashamed of his weight gain that he cancels Christmas, but Superman arrives to save the day. And how does he do that, you ask? The Man of Steel proceeds to literally punch the fat right off him.
Whatever works, right? It can’t be worse than a Kardashian-endorsed detox tea.
Wait, Santa Was a Mutant?
Over in the X-Men universe, Santa is officially a mutant. In fact, he’s an Omega-level mutant, making him one of the most powerful beings in the world. He drops by occasionally to kick butt and add names to his naughty list.
In one story, he turned a gang of villains into toys and used his teleportation powers to whisk the X-Men away to safety. He also wiped their memories of the event so they wouldn’t remember that he has godlike powers.
Ho Ho Ho and Hail Hydra
Over in another, less traveled corner of the Marvel-verse, Santa had a run-in with Howard the Duck. See, Santa was very sad because people no longer believed him. He felt so down that he SOLD Christmas to HYDRA! That’d be like auctioning off Halloween to the Nazis. Not only is that unethical, but it also makes no sense.
Howard the Duck saved the day, though, so don’t worry. He enlisted the help of a few mall Santas to make the real Santa feel better about his mission in life.
Somehow, that’s not even the weirdest comic book appearance by Jolly Old St. Nick. That honor goes to…
Santa Goes Grimdark
DC fans have long been clamoring to see a movie featuring Lobo, the homicidal alien bounty hunter. But they’ll probably never get an adaptation of this horrifying holiday tale. In this arc, the Easter Bunny hires Lobo to take out his main rival, Kris “Crusher” Kringle.
Kringle is a terrifying, Kingpin-style figure with a massive cigar and a passion for murder. Lobo ends up killing him and keeping his severed head as a souvenir. That’s… that’s real dark. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night?