20 Halloween Jokes that Absolutely Slay

Get ready to have your funny bone tickled. These Halloween jokes will have you in more stitches than Frankenstein’s monster!

halloween jokes

Why do mummies have no friends?

Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves.

What do you call two witches who live together?


Why wasn’t the skeleton excited about Halloween candy?

He didn’t have the stomach for it.

Why are vampires so easy to trick on Halloween?

Because they’re all a bunch of suckers.

One skeleton turned to its friend and asked, “Hey, you wanna hear a joke?”

The other skeleton replied, “I dunno…is it humerus?”

Why didn’t the zombie want to go to the party?

Because he felt rotten.

Why is the cemetery a great place to write a story?

Because there are so many plots there!

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi!

Why do ghouls and demons always hang out together?

Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?

They have no body to love

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately!

What musical instrument do hipster ghosts like to play?

The spook-ulele!

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist.

What happened to the ghost that went to see a horror movie?

It was scared sheetless.

Why won’t mummies every take time off work?

They’re too afraid to unwind.

I’ve just started reading a horror story in Braille and I think that something scary is about to happen.

I can just feel it!

Why can’t skeletons play music in church?

Because they have no organs.

Where do ghosts watch videos online?


What do you call a vampire with asthma?

Vlad the Inhaler.

And finally, a story…

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.